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“Ugh. I don't even want to touch that!”
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| “ | Oh my, I'm getting a major hard-on. That must mean the enemy's near. There's no time to waste, let's get the tank loaded up! | ” |
— John Captain, TANKMEN
|
Sgt. John Captain, also known as Tankman or Newgrounds Guy[1], is a character from the TANKMEN series. He is the leader of a military faction fighting in a ruined warzone. Captain is a benevolent leader and has a casual outlook on the war. He is attached to his Tank, preferring to never leave it unattended.
Background
Tankman is participating in a war against two rival factions, set in the year 20XX. In spite of the setting, Captain is a benevolent leader, even willing to engage in casual conversation with the enemy. He enjoys crude humor, especially the TANKMEN series trademark "cock jokes".
In the beginning of the series, Tankman and his friend Steve are riding in the tank when they are stopped by a protester. The protester demands the war ends, which Captain dismisses, pointing out that there are very few survivors left in the world. Steve requests that they just run the protestor over. Captain initially refuses, not wanting to hear his pained screams, but then reconsiders it, based on whether they ran over his head or legs first. The protester, offended, still doesn't move. Captain tries to give the protestor his gun. The protestor refuses and insults their tank. Enraged, Steve tells him "You're ugly, and nobody likes you." The protester begins to cry, saying his family is dead. Captain and Steve try to convince the protester, Bill, to join them, saying that he isn't alone and that there are girls in the army. One year later, Bill has successfully enrolled in the army, and married with a pregnant wife. Captain goes on reconnaissance, and orders Steve to drive the tank to Sector 5.
Captain meets up with Steve, and senses that the enemy is approaching. Captain says they should go to the tank, but Steve confesses he misplaced it after leaving to go to the bathroom. Knowing they'll be reprimanded, Captain scolds Steve, who protests, saying that being in the army is stressful. Steve then perks up, saying he found a DVD of part 1 of the Titanic. Captain bemoans the fact that it only focuses on romance rather than action. He’s insulted, saying Steve must think he’s a sissy and a poor leader. With no other option, Captain decides the two should charge at the enemy to retrieve the tank back. The clash stops when both Captain and Bad Captain realize that the other has the other part to the film. The groups declare a 3 hour truce to watch the film.
At Franks Spirits + Bowling, Captain is having a conversation with Sniper about Bill’s death, while Steve plays paper football with a group of Thugmen. As Steve continues to win, the Thugmen keep on demanding a rematch. When Steve refuses, they throw a knife at him, which hits Sniper in the back. The two leave in their tank while the Thugmen chase after them. As the Thugmen launch cannonballs from their truck, Captain fires back with his gun, only for it to be jammed. He asks for a new clip, but Steve refuses because Captain forgot his birthday. Captain explains he didn’t forget, he just didn’t care. With the Thugmen firing at them, Captain retorts that there’s more important things to worry about. Turning the tank around, Steve comes to a stop and proposes a solution to end the fighting: whoever fires between two ruined buildings first wins. While the Thugmen fire first, this is just a distraction. Steve slices one of the Thugmen in the throat while Captain uses the tank to shoot the other Thugman in the head. Captain proudly says to Steve, "There, that's your birthday present, you can thank me later." moving the tank's turret in tandem with his body pelvic thrusting.
Character Profiles
Newgrounds Rumble-As a bit of a newcomer to the Newgrounds team, Tankman will be a sure underdog. The others won't acknowledge that he's always been there, riding the big monochrome tank when they were nothing but concept sketches.
Move or Die-After fighting many wars alongside his incompetent comrades, TankMan forced himself to look for new grounds where he can do what he does best, eliminate enemies! Normally, he would be accompanied by his trusty tank, however he forgot where he parked it, leaving him pretty much naked and forcing him to get creative in the middle of action. His favorite movie is the first half of Titanic.
Tales of Alethrion-This explosive soul is naturally the Deity of Explosions! He was the first to see Alethrion enter their temple before being brutally murdered.
Character Interactions
Tankman/Character Interactions
Disorderly
Tankman makes a cameo appearance in Disorderly. A Newgrounds poster based on his original design can be sporadically found in the nurses stations on each floor.
Alien Hominid (Video Game)
Tankman makes a cameo appearance in Alien Hominid. Graffiti of Tankman painted on a wooden fence appears in Level 1-1. He is depicted in his original design, driving his tank against a yellow background. Below the graffiti is a signature that reads "NG".
Newgrounds Rumble
Tankman is a playable character in Newgrounds Rumble. As a character, some of his attacks are powerful and can stun, however, his attacks need to be precise to damage foes and his speed is somewhat slow. He uses his gun, grenades, and a bazooka in his fighting style. Instead of firing a projectile, he drives over foes with his tank when using his Gun pickup. He is trying to stop Piconjo from taking over Newgrounds. In his first fight, Tankman trains in a virtual reality program against a hologram of Alloy. He puts his training to an end when he discovers Samurai Asshole is on a rampage. After putting the chaos caused by S'asshole to an end, he continues his duty in protecting Newgrounds when a hostile Alien Hominid crashes in a nearby city and is being protected by Salad Fingers. In the final part of the story, Tankman tracks down Piconjo, and hopes his execution will allow the masses of Newgrounds to follow his command. In his ending, Tankman has total control of Newgrounds and redesigns it in his image. This takes talented labourers months of work, resulting in a widely criticized April Fools joke.
| Action/Event | Description | Reference | Origin |
| Walking animation | Tankman runs forward, holding his gun. | TANKMAN (2006) | The animation is reused from Steve's running animation from TANKMEN, with Steve's head swapped with Tankman's. |
| Last Quick attack | Tankman equips a machine gun and shoots his opponent. | TANKMEN (2006) | Tankman uses the same gun Steve wields in TANKMEN |
| Aerial damage animation | Tankman is shown with his legs curved and his arms above his head. | TANKMEN (2006) | Sarge used this animation after falling from a parachute. |
| Death Animation | Tankman falls to the ground, face first | TANKMEN | In the opening of TANKMEN, he drops from a parachute and lands face first. The pose he makes on the ground is the exact one he makes at the end of his death animation. |
| Gun Powerup | Tankman runs his enemies over with the Newgrounds Tank. | Newgrounds.com (2000) / TANKMEN (2006) | The Newgrounds Tank is the symbol of Newgrounds. The TANKMEN series features the Tank. |
| Ending | Tankman did not take his new role lightly. Newgrounds would be modeled in his image. He demanded a new redesign of the entire nation that would take several talented laborious months of work, and would result in a widely scrutinized April Fool’s joke. | Newgrounds April Fools Day 2007 | Every April 1st, Newgrounds holds a prank. On April 1, 2007, the prank was simply a change of the site logo and searchbar. The joke was criticized for having very little effort put into it. |
.jpg "Steve (Tankmen).jpg (66 KB)")
Meat Boy (map pack)
Tank Man appears as a hidden character in Meat Boy (map pack). He is unlocked after collecting 53 Bandaids. He also makes a cameo appearance in the level NG as a platform.
Move or Die
Tankman appears as a playable character in Move or Die. He was added in the Viewers vs Streamers update. He possesses no different abilities then the other characters.
| Action/Event | Description | Reference | Origin |
| Tankman's profile | Tankman's profile mentions that "normally, he would be accompanied by his trusty tank, however he forgot where he parked it, leaving him pretty much naked without it." and that "his favorite movie is the first half of Titanic." | TANKMEN (2006) | In the first episode of TANKMEN, Steve forgets where he parked the tank after leaving it to use the bathroom. Later in the episode, both Tankmen armies find two separate DVDs that contain both parts of the 1997 film Titanic. However, in the original episode, Captain expresses his dislike of the first half as it focuses on romance. |
| Background artwork | The background depicts a more realistic silhouette of Captain removing his helmet | TANKMEN X[2], (2007)[3] | The background was originally created for a custom PlayStation 3 theme. |
Tales of Alethrion
- For more information about this section, visit: Newgrounds Guy
Tankman, under the name "Newgrounds Guy" makes a cameo appearance in the Tales of Alethrion episode The First Hero. In the episode, Tankman appears as a member of a pantheon of powerful gods. The group is challenged by the legendary warrior Alethrion, and each one is killed with ease. While Tankman is not mentioned by name, Newgrounds is included under the special thanks, and was a Kickstarter backer, allowing them to put in one of their original characters for a cameo.
Madness Project Nexus 2
Tankman makes a cameo appearance in Madness Project Nexus 2. Those who backed the project on kickstarter before September 22nd, 2014 could get a Tankman mask.
Hurdle Turtle Forever
Tankman appears as a playable character in Hurdle Turtle Forever. Like the rest of the game's roster, he has no abilities that differentiate himself from other characters, though when he double jumps, he opens his parachute. His character trailer uses footage of the first TANKMEN cartoon, and plays the Newgrounds Rumble Theme as its background music.
| Action/Event | Description | Reference | Origin |
| Double jump animation | Tankman opens a parachute. | TANKMEN (2006) | Tankman used a parachute to descend from a fall in the opening of TANKMEN. |
| Tankman's Hurdle Turtle Forever trailer title | "Hurdle Turtle - A Cocky New Challenger Appears!" | TANKMEN (2006) | The title of the trailer references the "cock jokes" frequent within the TANKMEN series. Captain talks about being aroused, stating that it means that the enemy is near. Steve explains that he forgot where he left the tank as he left to urinate, and laments that he "just wants to piss without being shot in the dick". Tim informs Bad Captain of a rumor he heard that if they are apprehended, Captain and his Tankmen will allow the individual to survive, but will "shoot your dick off". Tim explains that he has heard that the Tankmen's preferred torture techniques involve causing genital pain. Bad Captain retorts that he heard that Tim gropes his teammates in their sleep. |
Friday Night Funkin'
Tankman appears as an enemy in Friday Night Funkin'. He is the main antagonist of Week 7, in which several other Tankmen have Girlfriend kept as a hostage. Boyfriend challenges Captain to a rap battle. Bored, Captain agrees, leading into the first track, Ugh. After defeating him in the first round, Captain complements his skills while insulting Girlfriend's appearance. They then sing the second track Guns. After being defeated for a second time, Captain praises his skill, but refers to their fight as a war, and that in war, people die. He orders his men to shoot Girlfriend as her eye begins to glow. Before anything happens, Pico jumps onto the scene, rescuing Girlffriend at killing the other two Tankmen. With Girlfriend safe in Boyfriend's hands, Captain mocks Pico, and he demands one last rap battle. As the two sing the final track Stress, Pico shoots multiple Tankmen that are running toward him.
TANKMEN series creator Jeff Bandelin reprises his role as Captain in Friday Night Funkin'.
| Action/Event | Description | Reference | Origin |
| Ugh animation, title of the first track, Ugh | The first song that plays during Week 7 is titled Ugh. At certain points of the the first song when the up arrow is pressed on Tankman's side, a special animation of Tankman cringing in disgust, saying "Ugh!" plays. | TANKMEN .5 (2008) / JohnnyUtah | In TANKMEN .5, "Ugh" is said twice in the episode. In response to being recruited by Bad Captain, Skittles says "Ugh, for what?" Later in the episode, Steve tries to persuade Bill to join the army by enticing him with women, to which Captain interjects. Earlier in the episode, he had compared Bill's appearance to that of the fictional character Darkman, and says "You've seen Darkman, right? He doesn't even have lips." Steve, repulsed, says "Ugh." Tankman creator Jeff Bandelin is known for involuntarily making these noises as a vocal crutch. |
| Game Over quote | One of the Tankman's quotes on Week 7's Game over screen is "You just make me wanna cry." | TANKMEN (2006) | After Steve offers to watch part 1 of Titanic, Captain is offended, thinking that Steve must think that he is effeminate and a poor leader. He finishes his statement by saying "You know, sometimes, you just make me want to cry." |
Fraymakers
Tankman appears an assist character in Fraymakers. His appearance in Fraymakers is based on his design from the Newgrounds logo rather than the TANKMEN series. Tankman was added as an assist character due to Newgrounds hosting independent video games and inspiring a generation of gamers.[4] When summoned, Tankman fires a giant bullet from his tank, damaging foes upon contact.
| Action/Event | Description | Reference | Origin |
| Assist attack | Tankman fires a massive bullet. | TANKMEN 2 (2007) | Tankmen first shot his tank in TANKMEN 2, firing a giant cannonball through the face of a Thugman. |
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20220111203816/https://www.talesofalethrion.com/cameos
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/*/https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/johnnyutah/tankman-x
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20210610073854/https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/813288
- ↑ https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mcleodgaming/fraymakers-the-infinitely-replayable-indie-platform-fighter/posts/3026073